Aaargh!!

After much deliberation I have come to the firm conclusion that I absolutely hate making decisions. The small ones like which shoes with what outfit as well as the big ones. They make me nervous and stressed and I hate the responsibility. I really really do.

I liked that about being a kid – all your big and small decisions were made by the parents – what school to go to, which extra curricular activity to take up in your spare time and such. I wish I could ask papa to decide for me now too!

So anyway, as you may have wisely deduced, its decision time in life. It sucks.

Funny how the seemingly biggest decision of them all, of who you want to get married to and spend the next few decades with, was the easiest to make. Ironical, ce n'est pas?

Grumble grumble.

Eulogy

Have you ever wondered about how a change invariably feels much more enormous when it is thrust upon you rather than being of your own choice? That’s a prime thought on my mind these days as I go through decidedly one of the larger career upheavals that I am likely to see in my life. Before you start getting wicked ideas about pink slips and job losses, I’ll clarify that it’s nothing of the sort. Not even close really. And if I speak or write about it, it almost seems trivial – but it isn’t really for the 60 odd people affected by it in one way or the other – mentally, logistically, psychologically.

The funny thing is that a lot of the sixty were probably thinking voluntarily as well of the changes that have now become inevitable. It would have just been a matter of time – giving or taking a few months. But when it’s not a conscious choice but rather a choice shoved upon you seemingly unceremoniously, the reactions to it are poles apart from what they would have otherwise been. The discomfort arising from the unknown, indefinite, unspecified is extremely stark.

The other interesting thing was how the responses to the news changed as each day passed by – from shocked numbness on day 1 to it’s-really-not-such-a-big-deal by day 4 – and a roller coaster of an emotional journey in between. Goes to prove that time is not just the best healer but also the best indolence inducing drug.

For me – in a nutshell – the last two weeks have been a jolt back to reality – a little shove to remind me that maybe I was getting too comfortable too fast.

And so life goes on. Adios GRSS.